I'm waiting

They come and they go
Some cheerful and springy
Each step is a bounce
Smiles sparkle aloud
Or are they just
Plastered joys of another face?
Some angry and hateful
Puckered in a frown
Glaring they shuffle away
Brushing off some rage
On me like teeny drizzle drops.
Some tall some short
All shades of black and white
Fat and thin, everything in between
A sky of people twitter by.
Hip girls sway past
A shiny bling-thing lot
Giggling, they preen their glittering sheen
I sit low in my scraggly world
As they cascade along.
The coochy-coo couples fly by
Some doing the shy finger kissing thing
They waltz past
On top of each other
Fingers and tresses running a crazy pattern
Podgy men amble along
Leering at me
I stare right back
Shiftily they shuffle past
Clutching there puny selves in drooling hands
And through my musings I see
There he comes now
The din suddenly is music
The time just a tick
I gather my stuff
As he gathers me
He comes and we go

Tryst with an artist

He lay there slouched on his elbows
moss green shirt hanging on a lean frame
hair flung across that brooding head
a grin smeared his mouth
as if it were all a game
faded blue denims
a splotch of yellow paint
above his knee
a dirty tear
white paper from a pad
looked up at him
he stroked it with his pen
urgently calm
expression poured forth
he charged on and then
in a lethal move
perfected the final blow
pen put down he looked around
untangled his legs
and walked away...

She

She shimmers and shines on borrowed light
its cold, she gives me warmth tonight
clammy fingers wrapped around shivering toes
a silent calm upon me grows

She hides I seek, I seek she hides
on cloudy waves she stealthily glides
chilly winds blow tunes through my hair
I hug myself under her gentle glare

Thoughts splutter and spout in my mind
memories I thought I wouldnt find
the grass is wet, my eyes still dry
cranky crickets creak nearby

I look at the moon, her pock - marked face
the craters - they add a gruesome grace
I gather myself and my moonlit thoughts
unspoken, unshared, undone, unthought

Let me dream tonight

Let me dream tonight
not of us riding love - kissed clouds
ambushed by red rose crowds
no cuddly wuddly pillows, sheets surf - white
no violins and wine on a five - star night

no mushy talk and romantic views
no beaches and waves in sunset hues
no second skin dresses in the rain
no log fire heat - it fries my brain

Let me dream tonight
of the wind in my hair as you kiss me sore
of entwining, collapsing, passions running raw
being, breathing, just living each other,
mundane things like cooking , cleaning together.

before shards of reason alight on my brain
and the dreams flow out grain by grain
let me dream tonight a dream so selfish
let me gorge on my dream, lick with relish

The outsider inside

Devils and angels hammer at my head
a clutter of ideas chatter aloud
thoughts riddle in and out -
a quizzical labyrinth
they squabble, they scream, they wither, they mope
the good and the evil battle along
reason lies squashed under frivolous greed
virtue argues with imaginaton's crippled flutter
truth nudges pride, alter egos draw blood
hope lights up the coridoors of remorse
an experience whispers life into decaying dreams
the phantom of a lost love flits past
its forgotten reassurance warms me
I watch amused, the outsider inside.

Hear me

Hush...listen closely...
there...can you hear her soul shatter
a million luminous little pieces
her mind romps over the shards
she aches and writhes
walks over blood-washed floors
her angel gently shines over
she turns a shivering shoulder,
a stifled sob
the day dawns...
she readies herself
vainly, she defies the ghosts in vain
a hint of a smile glistens on her tears...

Look my way

Look my way
see beauty steal upon me
the cloth ripple over.
scratching.
soothing
your eyes fondle and sculpt my body
i writhe in the agony of knowing that you can, at will,
create an illusion so vivid,
I can touch my mirrored reflection.
Hear the embers crackle in my heart's glowering silence
abandond.
exiled.
Touch the ache piercing my shapeless melted self
as it throbs life through me
the pain.
I selfishly indulge in self-indulgence.
I lean towards then rip myself way.
Sighs whoosh out a tired, expectant mouth
hands wring each other throttling wrists in vain.
jealousy romps over me as I watch you exhale.
inhale.
I'd flutter into a wisp of wind.
To be breathed in, breathed out, breathed on
If I didn't know you better, I would love you.

Soulful murders

there there
it hits me straight
just where I thought nothing could touch me
as frustrating
as a writer's block
as agonizing as getting lost
in the alleys of my memories
one moment I'm gliding
a princess of my universe
content
screaming out my happiness
for anybody to hear
anybody, everybody
and then I'm lying in a pool
of my bloody tears
oh-so-salty
oh-so-putrid

oh thankyou
someone just turned the lights on
and my wasted eyes
are making unhappy shapes mirrored in my tears a shivering heart
consoles a tired mind blinding lights ridicule
me
splayed in misery
shadows giggle at a private joke
on a pathetic slain soul.

Lawless love

Let her be the breeze
on your tear-stained cheek
let her be the sunbeam
for your sodden dreams
let her waltz through your thoughts
to a quirky tune
let her embrace you
the light of a moist moon

even when she prays for you
she flatters herself
to believe she has the power
to protect.to destroy.to love.to cherish
she ekes out happiness
from her miserly existence
narcissism casts an ugly shadow
over a pathetic tiny ego

Bashing blues

She is stretched across contradictions
threads of sanity pulling either way
hell threatens to engulf, to break free
heaven beckons, a teardrop away

will the lady allow herself
the comfort of memories so withered?
would she rather threaten "now" to collide
with her. bitter,war-paint smeared.

she gasps in mouthfuls of pain
brokenly breathes in that smell
of her soul breaking into mirages
collapsing into a shell.

yearning, bruising, she opens those eyes
will you hold her this one last time
she lies there torn, demanding pity
proudly begging you to hold her right.

Mooning over her dawn

The day is closing its weary arms
in a humble defeated bow
to the darkness creeping upon it
with the stealth of a friend for a backstabber
gnawing from the front

The moon she alights: quirky , all smiles
cherubic in her guise of white simplicity
she quivers with anticipation
the night beckons
with sheafs of urgent darkness
wolves howl echoes to the winds' ragged breath.

In her stolen silent light,
the ugly revel
thwarted in daylight, set free
by the pitch murkiness of a night
feeble footed bats
pesky scrambling rats
wide-eyed owls
snarling wolves
lovers entwined
figures distorted
as shadows play
rude games with her light.

She stares below
condescending
haughty
anguish highlighting dark blotches
where ebony fingers tarnish the ivory.

She fervently awaits
for her light-bathed knight
for whom golden hues dance
for whom her light pales in a sigh
for whom holding her breath
prolongs the agony
of another love-washed wishful night

Dawn cracks,
she reigns him in by the fragile thread of flattery
he is the king of dawn
the slave of the moonlight
he blooms as she fades
ending the darkness
and her night of glory
she blushes into oblivion
reveling in his triumph
as he rides in, supreme,
a sore second to her charm.

Iss raat ki subah nahi

she's fading into the obscurity of her endless thoughts
a pit of
hissing snakes
torrid storms
silver linings
sobbing maidens
sly pranks
loud chatter
air
caustic claustrophobia
try as she might to come to an end, a conclusion,
she falls
further
into the vacuum of too much
where the silence
and
the noise
battle with treacherous swords
leaving her distraught
in shreds
groping
for answers
to a lost cause
to a won war

This one's for you

smiles lose their way on her lips these days
in a breeze of bewilderment she nimbly sways
her heart shhhushes her mind as it clammers on
she won't listen today, she's a quirky song
impatience tugs, boredome itchs
she briddles and bellows at the prophetic witches
its not too late, she was so wrong
but isnt love a heart-soaked two-edged prong?
buried ghosts resurrect themselves once again
she struggles as the armour crumbles with pain
he indulgingly smiles at her foolish floundering feet
she learns her lessons like a shameless cheat
the silence stretches forth she whispers somehow
need I say aloud what you already know

It ends tonight

will you hold me for as long as it takes hopes to shatter
a heartbeat to get breathless
murmuring tales in its contorted way
hold me
as pieces of me fall unanswered
the gods laugh as I tremble on the floor
tears well up a multitude of mirrors
the sheen on my murky flaws
People dance around
hideous grins obscure the faces
as my woe riddled soul
collapses into puddles
today the gods conspire
heaven is a sodden shade of brown
the bitter taste makes me smile
the old shrivels up
it ends tonight
I laugh aloud

Sometimes

Sometimes feelings can’t be defined,
can’t be put a finger on,
Sometimes u wanna fly high and have all the stars ,
Sometimes all u want is everything,
Sometimes u are surrounded by ‘so much’ love,
but all u want is more,
Sometimes anxiety defines the person u are,
rather than ur confidence,
Sometimes u get sick out of feeling blue,
Sometimes emptiness demands more from Ur soul, drains u, leaves u sucked…
Tired, because of ur fighting urself,
Exasperated, because of constant botheration,
Suicidal, cause ur so demanding of ur self,
Gutless, cause anyways, u wont end ur life,
Because u love urself too much to do anything "wise",
Anyways all of this, like so many other things is
......in effect

Calling

my childhood has come to take me
ma, take me home
'the calling' out of a dull light
a quiet yet a shrieking voice
"Love, Pain, Want, Sacrifice"....
and we stroll in a garden full of our dreams,
built on the unlived memories
that our presence would have created....

Beautiful raindrop

A beautiful drop
blurring the reality in revenge...
Racing down the air come
and splash into oblivion
and cool me with your wetness.
Hang by the leaves
magnitised
and dont fall until
another one comes and takes ur place
down below
then fall
form bubbles and burst
an interplay of love and lust
form waves only to die
only to merge and mix
into someone else
tap the leaves
like drumsticks
heartsounds and homesick.
smell of wet soil
feel of wet soil
dirt of wet soil
invigorate the green
energize the environs
activate the chirping
and my dogs searching
down you come
only to make us dream
only to give us hope
only to drift us away
from reality
to an insight of heaven.

Beauty in a beast

The torn up landscape of my selfish heart
Lying still, awaiting a single drop of sunshine
Spotless within…filled with bright yellow patches
And desire’s ugly scars on the outside

Bordering on the edge of reason
Perched on the boundaries of a sensible life
Cold and dark, small and barren
Searching for pink rapture, wrapped in purple melancholy

Wallowing in self-obsessed oblivion
Exiled by illusions that sanity imposes
Unheading that gentle lover's sigh
Following its own, relentlessly guiltlessly

On a canvas

If only you would pick a colour for me
Paint me in bold sweeps and steady strokes
Lay me across your canvas
Just the way you like
I could be sunshine yellow for you
With eyes blue cobalt azure indigo
If thats what you want
And with a hint of coffee on your brush
mixed with copper and touched with gold
You could try and paint my skin
Turn me into daffodils
Pick me up and smell me
Or maybe a dancing brook
That you can dip your toes in
A bird in flight, the rising sun
Poetry on a canvas, a look, a sigh
A blurry portrait or a jumbled Dali
A picture within a picture
Make me say a thousand words and yet
Nothing at all

I wish

I could gather up the sound of
your laughter and hold it close
Pour your pain into a pail
Toss away your torment and woes
Show you what red blue yellow sound like
Make you taste a symphony or two
Feel the texture of a number
Bring fantasy to life for you
If you will let me…